[divider]The MCU has a Great Multi-Platform Continuity… That They Don’t Want[/divider]
The post-credits scene of Iron Man alone made it clear that the MCU was going to be a ground breaking endeavour for comic book adaptations. A sentiment felt again with The Avengers.
But by the time Phase 2 rolled about, we were pretty much ready for anything Marvel Studios could throw at us.
And then they announced a TV show set in the same continuity following the invisible puppeteers of the MCU: the Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Leaping off a rather rocky start, the show quickly found its footing when its actual story began following the release of Captain America: The Winter Soldier and the revelation of S.H.I.E.L.D. having long been infiltrated by Hydra. Since then, the show has tackled alternate realities, the Inhumans, had its own (arguably superior) spin-off, and even introduced the world to a non-Nicolas Cage version of Ghost Rider.
Between this and the success of Marvel’s rival over at The CW, it wasn’t long before Netflix jumped in on the action, committing to the long term plan of assembling its own team of heroes in The Defenders.
Between their big screen epics, weekly adventures on television, and intense drama on Netflix, surely the Marvel Cinematic Universe must be the single most intricate adaptation to date…
Except for the part where they’re not officially in continuity.
Thanks to a supposed tiff between television head Jeph Loeb and Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige, the small screen and big screen portions of the MCU may never actually meet. So even though Coulson went through all that trouble restoring a helicarrier to save the Avengers’ ass in Age of Ultron, he can kiss any chances of an onscreen credit goodbye thanks to Feige and Loeb.
Hell, as far as the Avengers are concerned, Coulson’s still dead.
This is what happens when the fate of a universe is left in the hands of mere mortals… Civil War!
[divider]The CW Doesn’t Think Married People Can be Interesting[/divider]
Arrow has been running for five years now, and the “will they won’t they” relationship between Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak has been running for just as long. In early season 4 we saw the two almost get married but, of course, that didn’t happen.
Over at Arrow‘s sister show Flash, Iris West and Barry Allen are on the road to getting hitched… only to have their lives come to a brutal pause at the end of season 3.
Now, it isn’t a secret that weddings often harken the death of a TV show. Be it Monica and Chandler, or Marshal and Lily, or Jim and Pam, getting your characters hitched often means the end of the show isn’t too far away (unless you’re Parks & Recreation).
And Arrow and Flash aren’t even the first CW shows, let alone superhero shows to do it. Smallville kept Clark a bachelor for almost as along as it took him to fucking fly, and the 90s’ Lois & Clark literally ended the year they got married.
Of course, marriage isn’t to be blamed exactly. The problem is that writers don’t seem to understand that sexual tension between the lead characters aren’t what makes a show watchable. If anything, it makes the show tiresome after some time and you find yourself cheering when Black Canary is dying.
[divider]The Man Who Wrote the Worst Superhero Movie Still has a Job[/divider]
Blade: Trinity, The Dark Knight Rises, Man of Steel, and Batman V Superman all have one thing in common: the controlling hand of David Goyer, a man who fundamentally lacks any understanding of what makes a superhero movie watchable.
Killing the dark atmosphere in Blade, turning Batman into a moron, having Superman sit around and weep because millennials are incapable of comprehending characters that aren’t self-centered, and hinging the relationship of two of the greatest superheroes on a grudge match thanks to bad communication skills and concluding said match with a badly delivered exploitation of a name (that anyone with a brain figured out during the melodramatic farce of a flashback at the start of the movie)–these are some of the sins of David Goyer.
And he also labelled She-Hulk a sex object for the Hulk. Right. Look, this guy can barely read, let alone read comic books, so why the fuck is he writing comic book movies?!
Let’s also keep in mind that Wonder Woman, which is the first DC movie since 2006 to be anywhere near a decent attempt at a superhero movie, is also the only one of three DC movies since then to not have Goyer involved in any way. And it also happens to be the best DC movie since fucking Batman Returns. (Not counting all of the Bruce Timm stuff, of course.)
Now, given the travesty that has been Goyer’s attempt at scribbling, you’d think that WB would have long shown him the back door (out of shame of him walking through the front)… but nope, he’s still around. And he’s literally got the control of an entire universe thanks to WB handing him the reins to the Green Lantern Corps movie.
And by reins, I mean he’s writing and directing the film. You wanna know when was the last time that happened? That’s right, Blade: Trinity. Also known as the only Blade movie that sucked. In fact, Goyer has not directed a single movie that could be considered “good,” and often requires adult supervision.