Power Rangers 2017 – Whiny Weepin’ Stupid Snowflakes

Reader Rating3 Votes
Elizabeth Banks as Rita was great!
Some great writing for Billy
The zords don't look too bad on screen
Everything else

Fair warning, this review’s going to have spoilers. I don’t really bother with spoiler-free reviews if it’s a movie I feel people shouldn’t waste their money on. And this is definitely one of them. So if you don’t want to be spoiled, I’d suggest heading on to my previous article anticipating the movie instead.

Related: Can the New Power Rangers be Mighty?

First off, here’s a free way to understand whether you would or wouldn’t like the new Power Rangers movie: watch The CW’s attempt at an adaptation of Archie, Riverdale. Done? I’ll wait for the next five minutes while you pull your fist out of the screen, go cry out your eyes, clean up the puke, and scream “why?!”

Now, that’s pretty much how the Power Rangers movie was. But 123 minutes instead of 42.

As for the review, remember how I was anticipating Power Rangers in my previous article? Well, that kinda died when the movie started with a bull masturbation joke.


I mean, I laughed. It was funny. Then 30 seconds later I realised that this was a Power Rangers movie and not a Kevin Hart flick. Then another 30 seconds passed and I was watching Jason try to flee from the cops as he recklessly drives around, smashes into a police car at one point, and then rushes to escape with no consideration as to whether he may have injured anyone. And this concludes with a slow motion sequence of his car flipping over.

We next see him, attending summer school while on police probation, arguing with his dad about his dad and him never being able to understand each other because, y’know, his dad is a sane human being and he is a hip, prank-pulling teenager who is so unique that his Gen X dad will never be able to comprehend him.

This is the Red Ranger. Leader-to-be of the Power Rangers. The Superman of Angel Grove.

This movie was clearly written by idiots for idiots.

Then comes Kimberly. Troubled, self-proclaimed mean girl, cuts her hair in a moment of… erm… pressure? Yeah, turns out, she shared a nude photo of some other girl to her boyfriend(?) who then spread it around school. And the best part? Her confession to Jason is met with a “who cares, there are already thousands of these photos being passed around in school!”

This, is the model of the average teenager today. From a group of teenagers espousing values of betterment, discipline, and striving to be better, to today’s average causeless rebels and attention whores, suffering from a need to create drama to float some point of existence in their lives.

Even if I were to not have any knowledge of the original source material, it doesn’t take much intellectual analysis to witness the banality of the movie. Short of Billy, none of the characters are written with any form of sincerity. Elizabeth Banks makes do with her script as much as possible and delivers an over-the-top performance that is perfect for the character. This is definitely a good way to go for Rita.

Most confusing is the decision to not leave this project in the hands of Josh Trank and Max Landis. Now, I have no love for these two. In fact, after Chris Nolan and David Goyer, I don’t believe any other writer-director pair are so capable of talking big, and still completely missing the point of what they’re trying to adapt.

That being said, with Dean Israelite’s incredibly choppy style of filming, Trank’s found footage system may have worked just as well. As for Max Landis’ script, it was… well, it was actually pretty damn good. But more on that later.

And, oh, Krispy Kreme is really important to the movie… I‘m not kidding.

Also, there is a mid-credit scene that mentions a particular fan favourite character that, apparently, is enough to satisfy the mass of sheep in the theatre. ‘Cause, fuck good movies, just toss scraps of fan service and people lick it up.