X-Men: Apocalypse Drops Its Final Trailer… And It Sucks!


Look, we all knew that Hugh Jackman was gonna appear in this movie, okay? It’s not a surprise. We were peppered with images of him in various costumes, all supposedly for the third Wolverine movie… ‘cept that movie was nowhere near ready for filming and there was also no way that Jackman was going to pass up on appearing in an X-Men flick before his self-proclaimed final outing as the clawed canuck in Wolverine 3.

Not that I’m not totally psyched to see him in the movie, but… did we really need that in the trailer? Especially in a trailer that is already struggling to make itself look half as relevant as the preceding ones without actually giving us anything new?

“Just because there’s not a war doesn’t mean there’s peace.”
XMAT 01 - War, not PeaceThis is a great line. It really is. But why the fuck is it being said by Mystique? I get it, she’s a lot more of a big player in the post-First Class series as opposed to the original trilogy, and that’s great. If anything, Jennifer Lawrence’s turn at Mystique has given the X-Men a proper lead female that somehow Famke Janssen, Halle Berry, and Anna Paquin all miraculously failed at… but apparently Fox has been a tad too consumed by the girl on fire and now the X-Franchise has dwindled down to being “Jennifer Lawrence and the X-Bitches.”

But, about the line (yes, my nitpicking is tireless) I’m not as annoyed by it being said by Mystique as I am about her being the first person we hear in this movie. If this was a franchise where the character has been a steady and consistent source of drive and catalysing, I’d have no problem with this. But we all know that this is only because Jennifer Lawrence’s face sells… and when studios start deciding who gets the most screen time in a movie based on the sellability of their face… well, that’s when movies start to suck.

“He (Apocalypse) always had four followers.”

Says Moira Mactaggert… again. We get it, the whole Four Horsemen of Apocalypse thing. It was explained pretty well in the first trailer. And now we know exactly who they are. Is there still a reason to watch this movie’s first hour or so?

“Whatever it is you think you saw in me, I buried it with my family.”
XMAT 03 - BuriedOoooh. Nice cool angsty Magneto line. Apparently, with every passing movie, the plan is to have Magneto regress to being a angsty, human hating mutie. And yes, I’m well aware that that’s kinda the point of Magneto… but how long more is he going to be angsty over the same issues?

While 2011’s X-Men: First Class set Magneto on his true path in opposition of humanity, 2014’s X-Men: Days of Future Past showed a fair bit of growth in the character as he came to recognise that evil was not a prevalent trait in a species as a whole. With Apocalypse we seem to be back at where we first left off.

“I’m not a hero…” + “If I’m going to teach your kids something, I’m going to teach them how to fight.”
XMAT 04 - Not a HeroSo, that’s what the X-Men movies have come to? After a trilogy and some of preaching messages of tolerance and finding a place in society, we’re now going with anti-hero sentiments? Is this how desperate the studios are to sell the X-Men franchise as a Jennifer Lawrence vehicle?

Also, Alex Summers, “Havok” is your codename, not hairstyle

“Magneto? He’s my father.”

No, really, I’m asking “whaaat?!” Not that most people didn’t already know it (there was even a sly nod to this in Days of Future Past), but why is this in the trailer? Clearly this scene is either meant to be a moment of revelation or levity or both. Why would you squander it on a trailer?

“Not all of us can control our powers.”
“Then don’t.”

XMAT 06 - Then Dont/facepalm

Every X-Men movie before this point has just become irrelevant.

“Apocalypse means to destroy this world!”
XMAT 07 - Apocalypse DefinedApocalypse |əˈpɒkəlɪps|
The complete final destruction of the world.

… No shit.

“Forget everything you think you know… none of that matters.”
XMAT 08 - Forget EverythingThis one’s right for the audience who’ve made the mistake of following the franchise since 2000.

XMAT 09 - SNIKTOh, great, now we know who’s gonna be the surprise guest star… guess we can just wait for the DVD, then.

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